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Oct 31, 2007

Happy Halloween! (scroll down to see WW post)

We purchased twice as much this year, 'cause we almost ran out last year. Though this foto kinda makes me seem like a liar, there are really about 18-20?? bags in his arms!...Just enough to have a couple extra for breakfast and then lunch and then dinner & midnight snack too, I say! *big grin*

M&M successfully carved his subject with a spooky face and then looked inside. With a thoughtful expression, he says, "Honey, I don't think there's enough stuff inside to make pumpkin pie." I had to explain to him how the pie is created...*giggling* to myself, silently, of course.

Mmmm hmmmm. Foto inserted for obvious reasons -- it's in the proper color theme! *winking* Oh yeah, babe. (go ahead. click on it & get a full-screen shot. i know you want to.)

Last but not least, our daughter, the strawberry, awaiting the arrival of the first trick-or-treater! This is the best shot I could get -- she wasn't cooperative today at all! To get a better pose out'a her, I would need to do alterations to make the hood stay in place, but that ain't happen'n this Halloween!


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Oct 30, 2007

Wordless Wednesday #6


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Oct 29, 2007

OK, so we're broke...

Yes, we overspent again...or actually I did, but who's paying attention to details. I know I'm not, otherwise, we wouldn't have a negative balance in our checking account. Bummed is an understatement, as I had to use my new 0% credit card to get food. Yes, I said food. What a big mistake. Oh well, it's 0% and it's my fault, so what is a girl to do? Go shopping, of course -- for dollar bills, that is ;)

Naturally, I went to Working at Home Mom - Making Money at Home, my favorite money-making blog! Here's what I learned: Blog About Your Blog is having a contest. Their sponsor is Bidvertiser. (Bidvertiser is running a promotion where you can get $20 of free advertising for new advertisers!!) You can win $300 in cash and prizes. So I did what they told me and subscribed to the Rss Feed to Blog about Your Blog. This alone enters me into the contest. If I want to be entered twice, than I post about it -- which I have done. If I want to be entered 3 times, then, well...I do all the above (I'm such a kiss-a_ _ _!)

There're only 5 winners, so now all I can do is cross my fingers and walk away and hope if they can't buy me food, then my man can. Though there's a chance I could Win Great Prizes, tonight's the last night, so if you're going to enter, you literally got just a few hours!! You don't want to miss out! Have fun :0

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Oct 28, 2007

Our First Treats! Happy Halloween!

Special thanks to you, What Works For Us (and Hootin' Anni)! We awoke this morning to your gift of bling, and oh my, it's not even Halloween! Well, it works for us too - me and Baci Boo. Hopefully we'll get to play the game and pay it forward soon!

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Oct 25, 2007


Meet Baci Fiona Jana, our show-quality Chinese Shar-Pei! She was about 2 mos. & 1 day old here. We just picked her up at the airport the night b4 -- yes, we ordered her, like you do clothes and stuff. We did this for many reasons, but that's a whole 'nother Oprah. For now, just enjoy the view :)


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Oct 23, 2007

Wordless Wednesday #5



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Oct 21, 2007

Coming Out on Why I'm Writing My Book!

I went to a toe reading this weekend. I know, odd. After learning she is not a psychic, I became especially appreciative of her abilities. (Note: if you are interested in internal and external relationship healing and want to learn more about Martha, who performed the reading, go here: Mind and Body Wellness Practitioner, Insights for Life -- Creating new beginnings. Really, so appropriate for this post!) Not only was she extremely helpful in opening up my eyes on some deep-seeded issues, but, I got to meet some new lady friends too, all off-the-charts sweet and friendly.

For the first time since I began writing my memoir, I spoke out amongst strangers and revealed my hidden secret (that I'm writing about being a ward of the state). I also expressed my desire to have them share with me my scribbling journey (by viewing this blog) as well as the final publication upon completion (I don't know what came over me). Cheers to all my readers who do the same.

Once I explained the crux of the book, one woman asked me why it was embarrassing to be in foster homes. I had never been asked this question. I always thought it was obvious. I guess being stunned with the question brought about brain-freeze (either that or it was the perimenopause). I didn’t answer her properly. This answer is much better:

When I was growing up, young people becoming teenagers entered into a world that revolved around “self," and both nurture and nature stole their innocence and molded them into who they would become, forever. I believe even after 25 years, this is still a common denominator amongst children. It’s all about the way they look, who they hang out with, how talented they are, how intelligent they are, and how much money their parents make. When I entered the 9th grade, I was about to lose all of these things, the latter being the most detrimental to my existence.

There’s something to be said for family. It’s the glue that sticks people together. It’s what makes the band-aid heal the hurt. Without the love of a parent, or even a love of a sibling, a life can be nothing but flesh and blood wandering around on the earth, dazed and confused.

Me and my sisters were abandoned. The courts called it neglect, thus we were passed along to others who were said to be more capable of raising us than our own mother. This, in and of itself, was not just embarrassing, but humiliating and scary too. We went from one home, back home w/ mom, to another home, then to our dad’s, etc., back and forth, pulled like taffy until the age of 18. In the midst of it all, we lost each other.

Tough? Yes. Whine? Never. Instead, I'd rather share my experience, share what I learned -- how to recover from repression, depression, fear and other disorders that tend to leach on and never let go. There are other young adults who can empathize or who need to realize how good they have it. Either way, I know that teens struggle. I want them to know it will be o.k. That growing up doesn’t have to mean the end, because it truly is just the beginning.

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Oct 19, 2007

The Big Box


After going thru all the court records that I have currently in my possession, I decided to move from outline to timeline. Made so much sense after I started jotting down my notes, and I'm so glad I did. I came up with 3, single-spaced pages w/ helpful words that will fill the lines in my upcoming chapters! How exciting!

But, not nearly as exciting as when I got this really big box in the mail -- yesterday -- from Robin, my big twin sister! As always, I had to clean the house first while she waited for me to call her and tell her about my experience. She waited very patiently, I might add, as it took me several hours to clean the house. (See, that's my way of preparing to sit down in solitude so I can gleefully reveal what's inside, the mystery awaiting my full attention.)

As I opened it, I said out loud, "Oh boy! This is just like Christmas!" Funny how twins are. I opened up the 4 flaps that covered the top like a lid and the first thing I saw was an adorable note that made me laugh, and I got teary-eyed. It said, "Hi honey! Merry Christmas! Have a great day! Eat merrily :) Sing, pray, love, joy... xoxo Call me, we'll do lunch hee hee R1 (the 1 is in superscript position; albeit, I think she always placed the number in the subscript spot to indicate she is the 1st of 2...Brain fog. Can't remember)."

In that package, I found so many wonderful, fun things. She is innovative and sweet and giving (though she has nothing to give) and for all these reasons, I can't help but feel touched -- in a way that is indescribable.

In brief, amongst the tokens of love, were tons of letters, notes, old newspapers and clippings, memories sent to me so I can successfully complete my memoir. After all, I'm writing the book about us and much of it is in her honor.

As I continue to scribble onto the pages my thoughts from my past, from 25 years ago, I realize there is no way for me to recreate the events exactly as they occurred, however, it's blessings like this that I know are going to make it as real and final as it possibly could ever be.

(From a college course called The Loving Relationship, I discovered a copy of a paper I wrote and dedicated to my soul mate, my twin, hidden at the bottom of a stack of cards and mementos):


"Without Robin in my life, I would not be whole. She is my other half and to you, my dearest friend, I write this paper. I hope to give you some joy and light for the day; to inspire you as you push ahead awaiting the next obstacle that stands before you so as to conquer it with even more strength than ever before.

To you, Robin, I say:

It is not merely myself that I promise to you without condition and without limit but it is a whole environment in which the two of us will become happier and happier that I offer to you....(Loving Relationships, by Robert Shelton, p. 47)."

Robin lives more than 1000 miles away from me. I miss you, Robin.

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Oct 16, 2007

Wordless Wednesday #4


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Oct 15, 2007

My First Pair of Jeans and a New Tee!


In the midst of all the memoir research and ridiculous emotions I've been experiencing as of late, I decided it was time to do something that would bring a smile to my face.

We went together, to Petsmart. Got this outfit on sale.

Hope this makes you grin as well. (Just so you know, she's very happy in her new attire; hasn't demonstrated one iota of discomfort or embarrassment whatsoever.)


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Oct 10, 2007

Into the Hands of Strangers

My senses are heightened. Must be because the cold is falling off. The numbness is subsiding…when I watch TV, I find myself either laughing profusely with tears falling down my face or my body tensing up, my eyes wide open and my mouth dropping to the floor when something traumatic is going on. I’m even experiencing maternal instincts…I’m 40 and this is new to me. I think this came about because I’ve been opening the lid to my past – a lid that was screwed, nailed, taped and glued shut so tight it couldn’t be opened.

....So, last night I think I’ll just quickly peruse the court documents before bed (bold move). The ones that just arrived in the mail – batch 2. Court Clerk sent me the whole 2nd half of my time in hell. Instead of quietly and hurriedly succeeding at this simple task, however, I find myself holding back the tears as I sob for fear I’ll awaken my partner, my friend, my life, MandM who has already retired for the night. My whole existence has consisted of this behavior – repressing then forgetting that it happened. Tonight, however, I read the words, saw the names of my family members: my twin who had been separated from me, my mom who had abandoned me, and my dad (days from passing) who tried to get me and keep me – more than once – and consistently failed. I’m reading these documents as if they are from a story book. I see these characters displayed on the pages and am saddened by what exudes from their state of being. Who are they that they have to suffer? They’re too young. Nobody at that age should have to go through such tragedies.

Then just like that, their mom is gone – the Courts have pushed her aside – and their dad gone too, not by will, but by the forces working against him. These girls have no choice but to fall into the hands of the legal system; into the hands of strangers.

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Wordless Wednesday #3



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Oct 2, 2007

Wordless Wednesday #2




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Oct 1, 2007

As if Struck in the Head with a Ton of Bricks

Idle for 3 days…I rec’d the Court records I ordered from the Clerk of the District Court in Mcpherson, KS the town in which I grew up. To say they affected my noggin emotionally, spiritually, and mentally is an understatement. My wicked past crept up and bit me in the arse and left me crying most of the weekend, down in the dumps and literally shocked. How could’ve I not known about the information that was printed so legibly on the Affidavit dated more than 25 years ago?

I’m OK now. I’ve got my computer on and am ready to roll as I make more phone calls and order more memories. Court is adjourned (or at least in recess until I receive the next batch). With that said, I am going to focus on this for a while which means staying away from my new love: blogging (well, I will post my Wordless Wednesday pic, of course, since there’s no thinking involved)!

Bye for now. Court is adjourned.

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