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Since October 2007

Jun 8, 2009

I am not an Island; therefore, I shall share

So, I was encouraged by a dear friend (my current boss) to share that I am struggling with something in my personal life. I finally decided I needed to get it off my chest, as I am human, and because I am not an island, now I'm ready to spill.

As some of you know, I am with M&m. He is my junior high sweetheart. We met 28 years ago and after losing touch for 20 years (and his 16-year failing marriage), he found me. It touched my heart and soul, and I knew he was mine. We got back together 7 yrs ago and on a serious roller-coaster ride, I realized about 3 years back I had lost myself. He became somebody new. I did not. I completely lost the grip on who I am.

I’m moving out of our home and am going off to find myself. To this day, I don’t believe this is his fault. I can’t imagine hanging out with somebody who is miserable, and that’s what he’s been doing. At 38, I found myself with hormone probs that took over my whole being. I have not been the same since. The bottom line is, I can’t love myself, therefore, he cannot love me the same as he did.

So, I am moving out – away from the love of my life knowing that it’s not because of him, but me. I miss me and feel like a failure. If any of you believe in an upper power, please send your thoughts upward and towards me, as I’m finished crying. I’ve had enough pain and I could use the support.

See you all in a couple.