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Jun 8, 2009

I am not an Island; therefore, I shall share

So, I was encouraged by a dear friend (my current boss) to share that I am struggling with something in my personal life. I finally decided I needed to get it off my chest, as I am human, and because I am not an island, now I'm ready to spill.

As some of you know, I am with M&m. He is my junior high sweetheart. We met 28 years ago and after losing touch for 20 years (and his 16-year failing marriage), he found me. It touched my heart and soul, and I knew he was mine. We got back together 7 yrs ago and on a serious roller-coaster ride, I realized about 3 years back I had lost myself. He became somebody new. I did not. I completely lost the grip on who I am.

I’m moving out of our home and am going off to find myself. To this day, I don’t believe this is his fault. I can’t imagine hanging out with somebody who is miserable, and that’s what he’s been doing. At 38, I found myself with hormone probs that took over my whole being. I have not been the same since. The bottom line is, I can’t love myself, therefore, he cannot love me the same as he did.

So, I am moving out – away from the love of my life knowing that it’s not because of him, but me. I miss me and feel like a failure. If any of you believe in an upper power, please send your thoughts upward and towards me, as I’m finished crying. I’ve had enough pain and I could use the support.

See you all in a couple.

10 peanuts say:

Mike Golch said...

You got it kiddo,I'll keep you in my prayers that you find yourself,and God willing the 2 of you are able to repair want needs to be repaired.

Sandee said...

I'm sorry that this has happened to you Little Chicken. Prayers in progress honey as requested.

I've missed you something awful. Big hug and lotsa lovies. :)

Chuckie said...

OMG - I haven't posted in months and just like that, I have friends and support. Thank you so much. *huggies*

Em said...

I'm thinking and praying for you! And you know I'm always a phone call away....

RennyBA said...

Don't find any or anything to blame - just follow your heart and inner feelings. All things must past and you are now able to look forward in your life.

Vixen said...

I missed you. Thinking about you and praying you can find some peace during what must be a difficult time for you. I am hoping you will find what you need within yourself.

And yes, we are still here. We are like bad pennies that way.

Alison said...

Miss you Rhonda, hope you're ok. x

ZAM said...

I'm sending some whispered prayers for you right this minute. Thanks for sharing -really.

And I hope things are better today than it was weeks ago. Hugs.

Speedcat Hollydale said...

As strange is this sounds, I do believe I understand.

I am now living in a new place and by myself. Many times love, or a close bond is just not enough ... esp. when time evolves us into new people. I wish you the best in "whatever road you choose".

The good Lord sometimes pushes us out of the nest, and we crash to the ground. While the fall is harsh, it may be the bump to guide your life in a new direction that is unknown (till you arrive there).

God bless, and a few hugs from SpeedyCat ;-)

Jailbird said...

you bring joy and laughter to the world almost daily - so you deserve the best life has to offer - and you will have it!

hugs
lauri
jailbird/dirty shanks