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Jan 15, 2008

Friendship: A Scarce Alliance

I have a friend; someone I use to be very close to. Here's an an email I got 4 months ago:

  • "I'm so sorry I haven't emailed you back. I'm so busy with the kids, etc. that I'm just now getting on the computer, and I'm just too busy to email!" *Note: this was in response to mine sent a year and a half prior.
A couple days ago, I was sick and needed to send her a quick message. Here's the reply:
  • "Don't worry about getting to call me, I'm so hard to reach anyway. I'm either running around in the car picking up kids, grocery shopping, or dragging a toddler around screaming - it's chaos. The 3rd child has literally eaten up any spare moment I have, and I can barely find time to get on the computer these days."

No phone. No computer. She doesn't live in the same state.

I should shut my eyes and walk away, shouldn't I.

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9 peanuts say:

Greatfullivin said...

No!!! You should not walk away. I have the dearest friend in the world, we met in 1969. After we were both married with children to raisewe kind of lost touch...just too busy! Our children are grown and we have finally found the time to reconnect. I am so glad neither of us walked away, we just took a break and let life happen. Give her time to grow into who you know her to be! Have a Grand Day!

Alison said...

No, don't walk away. Remember the days when our children were small....chaos!! I still have weeks where I just put one foot in front of the other just to make it through! I have a wonderful friend, have been friends since we were 10 years old..cherish these friends. Sounds like she is adjusting to her 3rd child...give her time, or offer to help!

Kim said...

A long time ago, I went through a difficult time in my life when my mother passed away. Though I could have used an ear or a shoulder from a close friend, I never once was upset that she didn't call or write 'til several months later. Life happens! Forgive, forget, and embrace them for who they are...

sauerkraut said...

That's just how life is these days. It sucks big time but what are you going to do? My wife's best friend since forever calls here every now and then but ends up spending long stretches talking to me because my other half is often busy doing things with work. We only get to see her (the friend, not the wife) once a year but we are already talking about how that's going to change as the kids get older and more involved in scouts, music, school activities... and high school is not all that far off.

Hopefully, it will come full circle. :-)

Sandy Carlson said...

Don't do anything. Let it be. Let what you value in this person also be.

My father-in-law is at death's door, and my husband and I are finding bloggers on the other side of this planet are far more supportive and compassionate than his family. We are eternally grateful that these virtual friends have offered up the strength we need, strength our family can't give us but strength that allows us to love this family.

Don't walk away. Let it be.

Roger said...

Quote; Patience is a virtue - GOD the greatest mack of all.

Unfortunately I have little patience but I try Rhonda you can to :D

Polly Kahl said...

Don't take it personally. Keep in touch with her with things like holiday cards, and write little notes on them like "looking forward to hearing from you when things slow down." If she didn't care about you, she'd blow you off. She's very busy, but she probably still cares about you. A year or two can make a big difference in the amount of time needed to care for kids. She'll be back if you let her know you understand and want to connect with her more later, I'm betting.

Gnat said...

This hits home with me. I had a friend a couple months back who said that I never hung out with her since I met my fiance and that I never made time for her and that she doesn't stay friends with people who choose her boyfriends over her. I was very busy at the time with work and did have much extra money. And the money I had I wanted to spend on YARN. This frustrated me because I had tried on several occasions to hang out but I just didn't have the money to go to a bar or club. I don't even like doing those things anymore. I asked her to join me in things that I could afford and would be fun and she refused but because I didn't want to go out with her I was the bad person. We still haven't talked in a while and I feel like a bad friend but hopefully some day we will figure it out. So what I'm saying in the end here...after all my babble. Stay with it. She'll figure out how to add those things back into her life and you back into her life. I'm sure kids are way more to handle than work and for some they get so overwhelmed they have a tough time making time for themselves. Good luck and thanks for sharing with us. :)

Ornery's Wife said...

I don't think I'd walk away, but I would see if I could build some close friendships with people who DO have time for you! Some people don't have very good time management skills, and they are the ones that are buried under life. Others manage 7 children, homeschooling, church activities a small business and close friendships--it is who they are. One isn't better than the other, just different. I hope you give her a chance to realize her loss.
TM